I’ve been away from the blog for quite some time now; I think we must be close to half a year. Part of that is connected to what happened last April.
The major change was losing Doug, who acted as my stepfather. (He helped raise me from the age of two, though Mom and he never married.) I’ve had death in my life before, losing a grandfather and the family dog… but this one was the first death that totally shook the foundations of what I take for granted in this life.
This also caused me to examine the life that I’d built to this point, and to start evaluating how I was responding to it. I’ve always had a lot of dreams and goals, and I’ve tended to let them go in whichever impulse rules the day. This re-evaluation forces me to begin regulating them. Finishing projects before moving on to new ones. Resurrecting this blog is a part of that.
Doug was where wisdom began for me; his advice and example have always given me a sure path through most of the decisions in my life. Lately, the lesson I consider most is one that might never have been said, but that was shown throughout his life; do your best. Not just ‘try real hard,’ but give every act you do the very best you have to give. It’s those words that have begun to bring me back to the life and goals I had before everything I knew changed.
I’m taking that creed. I’m starting again. I’m giving my best. And I’m coming out of a silence of loss and love, a silence that let me hear his voice again.